


nothing could fall/cancel me out

by maevestrom



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates, Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Best Friends, But i am just saying that to safeguard against any mistakes, Cabin, Character Death, Childhood Memories, Depression, Developing Relationship, Dimension Travel, Emotional Baggage, Engagement, F/F, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loneliness, Loss, Mirror Images, Nohr, Past Relationship(s), Post-Canon, Princess - Freeform, Return, Reunions, Romance, Royalty, Severa you useless lesbian, Solitude, Time Skips, Trauma, War, Whirlwind Romance, coming home, mercenary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-23
Updated: 2018-09-23
Packaged: 2019-07-15 20:57:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16071197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maevestrom/pseuds/maevestrom
Summary: Lucina knows that they have a lot to carry. Severa knows there's not enough space. When Severa returns from Nohr after a two-year stint with stories that aren't the whole story, both of their ideologies are put to the test as they try to figure out what is next.





	1. Maxims/Masochism

**Author's Note:**

  * For [silver gambit (ayunda)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayunda/gifts).



> This had a lot going into it. Like two weeks of constant editing and making sure everything is in its right place, establishing a theme in the story, and inserting a lot that I could do a friggin' director commentator on while erasing words that were wrong or confusing. I'm a writer so it'll never feel like enough ahaha, but it's well deserved. Not only is this my most intricate work on my favorite pairing ever, but this is for someone intensely special- one ayunda. 
> 
> I could say a lot about her, but I don't want to make it all about me. All I can really say is that ayunda, you've been there for me in the lowest time in my life, even when I wasn't there back like I wish I had been. Needless to say, it really inspired me and helped me see you less as a kid (who was what a year younger than me wtf) and more as a very successful and amazing young woman who hadn't lost a step in her talents or a bit of her engaging personality. Because you give so much to me and are so much to me, I knew I had to give you nothing but my best work- that's why I worked on this for so long. Thank you, friend, and I love you dearly.
> 
> To everyone else, I hope the labor of love translates.

She blinks. 

Blinks again. 

At some point she expected it, but she still isn’t sure that her eyes aren't playing tricks on her.

Lucina looks ahead of her with her hand as a visor (the sun sets harshly upon a nearby hill), paper bag on her arm. When she can't deny that it's her, she still can't believe it. Even if she knew this day would come, even though she waited for it when the time of her return came on hand- hell, maybe since the say Severa left- she can't believe it's here. 

She doesn't move as Severa soars through the town's main street, feet running across the cobblestones near a vendor’s cart to grab and hug her with more ferocity than she has ever taken Severa to have.

“Severa,” she hums into the back of her neck. “Welcome home.”

Severa comes just up to the space between her shoulder and neck, on her tiptoes as always. She hasn’t changed a day since they last saw each other, even wearing the same clothes and the same black knapsack as that day, a vision from Lucina’s memories that is somehow real. Severa's crying freely, set to squeeze the life out of Lucina, but she doesn't mind all too much. 

“Thank you, Lucy,” she sobs inelegantly, with so much sorrow and joy alike that goes beyond the surface of their reunion. Lucina can only smile tearfully because she’s lucky enough to simply be happy to see her.

“Can you two lovers move out of the damn way?” an unfamiliar voice by a vendor’s cart barks. 

“Piss off, arse-hole!” Severa snaps back, spit dripping from her teeth like venom. “I fucking missed her!” Lucina can’t help but giggle at- and be grateful for- Severa’s iconic guard-dog outbursts at intruding or annoying strangers. Still, to avoid conflict, Lucina quietly maneuvers out of the vendor's immediate vicinity, but can't help scowling in their direction. 

“The nerve of that prick!” Severa seethes. “Seriously!” 

Lucina chuckles. “They're not likely to get my business after this.” 

Severa sniffles and tries to regain her composure. “If you're wondering if two years has matured me, well, there’s your answer.” 

Lucina giggles. “I'm just happy to have you back in any form.” 

Severa smiles shyly as she looks at her bag, blushing. She loses a little color in her face as she does, but Lucina doesn't note it as anything serious. “So what brings you here?” Severa asks.

Lucina gestures to her bag as they start walking through town. “I've been trying my hand at reading more,” she explains. “I may be taking after my mother.” 

Severa chuckles. “I leave you for two years and you're suddenly stocked up with the  _ Ribald Tales of the Faith War. _ Do you have a copy of  _ How To Make Him Fall For You In A Fortnight _ in there?” 

“Nothing that risque!” she insists. “I'd just hoped that serials would pass the time.”

“Sure, you little wench.” Severa still hasn't let go of Lucina’s arm, which has her heart pleasantly drumming against her chest. “Just reminds me of sneaking into your mom's little library when we were kids.”

Lucina rankles her nose. “That was a one-time thing. I'd hoped you had forgotten.”

Severa smirks. “You kidding? Never.”

To this day, Lucina has never been much for misbehaving or being improper, but that was the first time Severa drew her out of her shell. Sumia unwittingly helped them by being so poor at hiding her naughtiest literature, though perhaps Severa was just too good at misbehaving. Even when Lucina had no knowledge of what everything they snuck a peek at meant (and Severa a little too much) the thrill of doing something inappropriate- as much as she hates to admit it- was the most fun she had in ages, especially in such a dire time.

The edge of town is visible. Severa must know as well as Lucina does that they're heading to her home, but it goes unspoken. “Aside from book shopping, what have you been up to?” 

Lucina shrugs. “Adjusting to a quieter life. Honestly, it's a little more trying than I expected.”  _ Trying _ is one word for it.  _ Difficult _ is a little closer to the truth. The loneliness is as easy to her as it is unfulfilling. Still, she finds it hard and frankly selfish to go to her friends as though she’s the only one who suffers from missing those who left. They all do. She isn't special just for feeling it more.

To change the conversation, she says “but you're the one who ventured into another realm! Surely you have tales to tell me!” 

Severa's eyes look at the ground, and a storm overtakes her aura. “It wasn't  _ that _ exciting,” she insists. “There was a war and everything, but war  _ sucks. _ You can…” 

She stops cold, and mumbles “Oh… yeah.” 

Lucina tilts her head and stops. She can tell this conversation will require full attention from them both. After too long, she asks “What’s the matter?” 

Severa closes her eyes. “Laslow and Odin…” After a pause, she shakes her head vigorously. “I mean Inigo and Owain…” 

“Oh no,” Lucina mumbles. She fears the worst but can't help it. She was apprehensive enough about Severa going, but harder still was seeing her cousin off, even if they had grown apart in the time after their own war. Even Inigo, while not without his (deeply annoying and flirtatious) quirks, was a friend of hers that she had hoped she wouldn't lose. Gods, she thought she was done with losing those she cared about, but even thinking about it brings her to tears.

Severa gasps. “No, no, Lucina, it's not like that! Not at all.” Lucina looks up, swallowing her spit, tears on her eyes. “They're fine, but… they're not coming back.” 

“They're not?” 

Severa reads her downcast look well. “Yeah, I mean, it would be cruel to. They have families in Nohr and kids and everything. That's really their new home. They just wanted me to tell you.” 

Lucina clears her throat and smiles, but it doesn't quite reach. “I'm glad to hear that they're getting what they want out of life. They deserve it.” That's not a lie; they do, but it still stings her a little to know that she won't see them again, that there were more important things to them than her. Even if she knows such sorrow is irrational, she still feels personal failure over it. 

She may never see her cousin again- and as much as his corny metaphors and overdramatic celebration of the mundane may have grated on her attempts to take things seriously, she will still miss him. The jealous part of her wonders when he decided life was worth never seeing her again, and she feels the same feeling of loss she tends to get when she feels like she's irreparably drifted away from someone. Too often, those she loves are leaves in the wind fallen from their tree and blowing out of sight.

Severa reads her inconclusive reaction and insists “It’s okay. I'm mad too.” 

Lucina nods. “I understand. I'm just happy for them as well.” Or, at the very least, she is choosing to be happy for them. Any anger or sorrow she feels about the situation is unbecoming of her. Clearing her throat, she says “I know you're back here, but I hope you found something in Nohr for yourself as well.”

Severa scoffs. “You could say that.” She doesn't say anything more, and Lucina can tell that she has more to say that she doesn't want to. That's fair; Lucina's the same way. 

Finally, she asks, though she knows she need not. “I don't suppose you would like to stay at my home for the night?”

Severa blinks, then blinks again. “I'd love to, definitely,” she says. The two women reach the edge of town, where the spare few buildings start to thin into trees and the cobblestones turn into one dirt path that Lucina has seen paved during her time here in Regna Ferox, one that she knows leads home. 

She looks at Severa as they walk and knows that she's not comfortable completely back in this world, this world that is not the one they were born in. To be honest, Lucina isn't either. 

\---

She blinks. 

Blinks again. 

Not that there’s much else to do other than keep her eyes clear in the middle of nowhere.

She sits next to the princess on two chairs placed on its porch. She’s alarmed at how quiet the world is where Lucina has decided to live. Sure, sometimes it’s relaxing if she doesn’t think about it, but she’s terrible at shutting her mind off. It gets to her, always looking over her shoulder for something that isn’t there and then thinking herself an idiot for doing so. 

“Is the tea to your liking?”

She turns to Lucina, who smiles warmly at her, but her smile is repressed from being fully genuine. She always wears that smile whenever there is one thing on her heart that can’t go away, no matter how she tries to compartmentalize or deny it. Severa knows what that thing is, but doesn’t address it, instead content to take a sip of the tea and nod. She beams, honored.  _ Like you need my honor.  _

Lucina pushes a few strands of hair behind her ear, but it’s already so hopelessly messy, full of jagged edges and corners that somehow find a curve along the sides of her head and down her back, her tiara doing its best to hold it in place. She’s wearing a plain cream sweater with straight lines in the stitching and a pair of slacks too baggy for her and too formal for this place. Anything to keep her from wearing her battle uniform and keep Falchion in the house, Severa supposes. 

Lucina looks out off of the porch into the empty field ahead of then both, flowers lining the sides where mountains start to break off. Severa’s envious beyond measure that Lucina found such a good location for her cabin, as well as of her graciousness, poise, and ability to overpay the people who built it. Looking at Lucina, she sees that her princess has made the right decision. She’s never been happier than now, in all the quiet, and while Severa isn’t sure  _ why _ , she’s happy for her.

A few minutes pass. Severa occupies her time by drinking what’s left of her tea and trying to cut back on all the times she looks over her shoulder like something’s bothering her. Apparently she hasn’t cut back enough, since Lucina taps her on the shoulder and asks “is something the matter?”

Severa shakes her head so quickly that she knows she’s lying, but what the truth is, she can’t say. Lucina’s smile falters and she taps her fingers on her chin, but says nothing. Severa turns to face ahead, trying the best she can to keep her anger in. It’s nice out here; Severa’s just being a drama queen.  _ Like I always am, _ she bemoans.  _ Come on, Severa, try not to ruin one nice moment for Lucina. _

Memories will be all Severa can leave her with for a while. She should leave her with some good ones. 

Lucina’s smile returns after a conscious pause. It’s the same as before, one that’s entirely peaceful  _ except for one thing _ . Severa can only watch her almost-peacefulness for so long while knowing she’s the one thing that holds it back from the sincere smile that she so rarely sees. 

Severa tries to distract. “This is a nice enough place.”

Lucina smiles. “I do love it so.” She closes her eyes in reverence of just being here. It’s everything that makes Severa jumpy and anxious- quiet, lonely, unknown- but it’s everything that makes Lucina grateful. Meanwhile, Severa can only imagine disruption waiting to ambush them around the corner and ruin everything, knowing not all disruption is in a physical form.

Lucina looks again at her. “Are you all right?” 

Severa sighs, but she’s learned not to lie around Lucina. As thick as she can be sometimes, her princess reads her frighteningly well, a specialty that both comforts and unsettles her. “Severa, if something’s the matter, you can tell me, right?” 

Her question didn’t end in “all right”. It ended in “right”. Not a reminder, a request. Severa knows this because she hangs on and reads far too deeply into every word said, especially by her. 

“Of course I can,” she argues. “I’m not scared of you.” Hardly; she’s not the one between the two of them that Severa is afraid of. 

Lucina nods. “I understand. You just seemed worried, is all.”

Severa nods in kind. A few seconds later, she sighs. “Okay, okay, I was just making sure that no one was creeping on us, all right?” Not a request, but a reminder (of who Severa is). 

Lucina has long since stopped taking her provocations as challenges. “We are alone,” she reassures Severa. “Long away from other people. Honestly, I’m not sure that anyone knows of this location. I think we can trust that there’s no one watching.” With that, she smiles with such serenity that Severa feels guilty for breaking it. 

“Sorry,” she says. “I’m just my usual jumpy self. I’m ruining this, I’m sorry.”

Lucina shakes her head. “Don’t worry.” What goes unsaid is what she used to say:  _ we both have a lot to carry with us. _ The truth of the matter goes unspoken, but the two women seem to take it in different ways: Lucina understands her scars, and Severa thinks hers make her ugly.

(If Severa were to write the maxim, it would say  _ A lot to compartmentalize, not enough space. _ )

“I mean, lucky you that you can enjoy it,” Severa remarks listlessly. “I don’t know, I could never do it. This whole quiet thing is driving me nuts.”

Lucina closes her eyes. “I can respect that,” she says. “To me, it’s like a dream, to be perfectly honest. I’ve waited so long for things to stop for a moment.” She frowns. “It’s been so long.” 

“You deserve that,” Severa mutters before she can help it. Lucina blushes and looks down into the boards of the porch, while Severa stares heat into her tea. When she’s truly honest, she swears the whole world stops to stare at her. Her unfiltered, unintended honesty is about Lucina every time, without fail, and Severa isn’t sure how she feels about that. “Just think about it, Lucina… is this really all you want for yourself?”

“At the moment, it is,” is the answer. “Right now, I feel like I could stay here forever.”

“Right now,” Severa responds. “I mean, it seems all well and dandy right now. But you’re not gonna wanna be alone forever. It’ll drive you nuts. Always looking over your shoulder, with nothing to comfort you but your own thoughts.” She throws her hands up. “I mean, maybe they’re more comforting than mine, but, like… do you really wanna be your only company?”

“I won’t be alone,” Lucina argues. “Not at all. My friends know where to find me, so I’ll have them, and I’ll have you.” 

Severa notes that, as she has before, Lucina has put her in a category different than her friends. At this point, neither one questions it. What  _ they _ are is unknown. Not friends, not lovers, not even a princess and her retainer. It’s… something more, but never too much more. 

It gives Severa unpleasant thoughts as she asks “Will you be fine without me?”

Finally, the smile Lucina has propped up falls. She starts to say a few things but instead looks at Severa, who looks uncharacteristically worried. Oddly, Severa has been more concerned for Lucina after the wars than she ever was during them. She knew how to help Lucina the princess and commander, but she’s shit at handling Lucina the person. Severa chalks it up to being a shit person herself.

“You’ll be gone for how long again?” Lucina asks like she doesn’t know.

“About two years.”

“And when will they summon you?”

“They don’t have much time. Probably soon.”

Lucina clears her throat to stop her sigh short. “Have you knowledge of the translation of time between their realm and ours?”

Severa thinks for a moment. “A little… summoner said that it’ll be a little faster. So my two years will be, like, a month or so shorter for you. I doubt it will matter, though.”

Lucina hmms. “I understand.” The look on her face, however, seems to indicate that Lucina doesn’t understand anything at all. To be honest, Severa doesn’t either.


	2. As You Saw/As We Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are gonna have to forgive me I've only played birthright and I don't really know what the hell went on with the recruiting I just did my best ok I did my best

Lucina’s bag is full of books, but just a day before full of vegetables, and today she’s systematically chopping them up. The full book bag rests on the table behind her, prepared for lonelier days and now confused about their purpose in the light of a new day.

She finds solace in the repetition of every chop, even more so when it’s interrupted by the sound of the water sloshing in the bathtub from the next room over as Severa tries to make herself comfortable. The process goes on for a few minutes until, with one mighty cascade, Lucina hears Severa break through the bathwater for good. Lucina hears her move and walk around for a couple of minutes, and for the first time in two years, the house doesn’t feel so lonely.

By the time Lucina has chopped enough vegetables and starts to assemble them over lettuce, a clothed Severa walks into the kitchen and takes a seat at a nearby table, hair still sopping wet and barely combed. Lucina finishes the salad- dressing it, mixing it, and serving it without a problem. Food preparation is rhythmic, and always silences the roaring flames in Lucina’s mind with its alluring repetition.

Severa takes her bowl of salad with a tiny smile. Lucina nods and returns it, happy to note that Severa has dressed down into a white shirt and skirt. It can be hell to get Severa to remotely relax enough to do something like wear civilian clothes, and Lucina has always felt that white is a stunning color on her. Something about soft snowy white with her sharp cordlike red hair appeals to her, makes her feel cold and warm at once. 

Lucina takes a seat and starts to leaf through hers. It generally takes some convincing for her to eat- though the salad does look good. “I hope it’s to your liking,” she tells Severa. Maybe a good recommendation will whet her appetite. 

Severa grins, mouth full. “Ish  _ so _ good!” Lucina giggles, endeared. Severa blushes after she realizes her mistake, but Lucina smiles before Severa can apologize. With that vote of confidence, Lucina takes a bite. 

“Id ish,” she responds before swallowing. Severa smirks and covers her face to hide her tittering, not that Lucina minds the teasing. Indeed, she beams, impressed with herself. As it turns out, she can make food quite well when she tries- something she rarely does unless she’s trying to convince herself that she’s getting her life on track. 

Looking at Severa, she says “If you would share with me, I would love to hear about Nohr.”

Severa shrugs defensively. “I mean, there’s not much really to say. I didn’t really get involved. A lot of politics changed up and suddenly we were fighting with the nation we were against. I’m just a mercenary, not a lawmaker, so I just swung my sword at who I was told.” She looks down. “I kinda feel stupid about that, you know? Cause that means that I kept killing people we were supposed to be on good terms with.” 

Lucina shakes her head. “You'd not known they were to be allies. The course had to be corrected by those with power.” 

Severa sighs. “Maybe. But, like, I just knew we were going about this all wrong. The Nohr king, you know, it didn't exactly take a diviner to know that there was something wrong with him. I bet even you could see it.”

Lucina snorts. “You haven’t changed a bit.”

“You totally deserve it,” Severa replies, a gleam in her eye. Lucina shrugs, years of experience teaching her to accept that truth. “Seriously, though, the royal family…” She shudders and puts her hands up. “Less said about them, the better. I was assigned to one of their princesses there. Camilla.”

Lucina folds her hands at the mention of Severa’s new liege. “Was she good to you?” She can't deny that she's already placing herself as Camilla’s rival, but she's also interested in whether or not Severa was treated well. (She convinces herself that it's the only reason she's invested.)

Severa sighs. “Look… she’s, like, the sweetest person I've ever met, but… there was something about her that put me off a little.” She looks down. “It probably isn’t fair, because as far as lieges go, she treated me like  _ I  _ was the royal, but it's like when I was assigned to her, she thought she got a new doll.”

“Is that so?”

Severa nods. “A doll she treated really well, but like, I'm not out to be someone's possession.”

“You never have been.”

She blushes at her salad. “I mean, I try not to be.” She takes another bite and adds “But anyway, like, I was telling Felicia that the family tree had roots that never made branches, you know?” Lucina takes a second to work out the logistics of the statement, but when she gets it, she snorts laughter. “Right?” Severa beams. “Just something funky about it.” 

Lucina replays the conversation in her head and lights up with interest: “Felicia?” 

She smiles at the mention of a companion (and, sure, maybe there’s a little disruptive burning in her chest at the idea) but Severa's face drops at her name, and suddenly Lucina regrets bringing her up. “Yeah, like… she's a fri- you know, a maid for the royals, you know?”

Lucina nods. “Are you…” She almost asks if Severa’s okay, but if she does then Severa will likely mouth off in response and wall herself off from ever mentioning this Felicia woman again. Instead, she asks “on good terms with her?” 

(Though, if they left on bad terms, the rational part of her brain is thankful that time and space separate her from Felicia before her irrational part reacts.) 

Severa sighs. “Hard to say. I… guess?” She stirs her salad listlessly. “Anyway, what have you been up to?” 

Lucina notes the deflection but doesn't press for answers. “I've been…” Damn. She doesn't really have a satisfactory answer, and she's an abhorrent liar. “Trying to keep busy. As you saw, I went to town today. For the second day in a row, at that.” Never mind that she's mostly been in town to watch for Severa’s return. “They've set up a dirt road by my home, as you saw, so I've been trying to get more acquainted with the people who may one day show up at my doorstep.”

Severa looks disinterested yet invested at once. “That's something,” she mumbles. Maybe Lucina misread her goals, as she thought Severa wanted to hear that she was doing well and being active (even though she's not managing well on either account).

“Quite.” 

Severa takes a bite of salad, and Lucina feels an odd tension in the room through the expressive silence. It's usually just before Severa challenges her, and Lucina tries to steel herself for it while wishing it wasn't so soon after her return, when things are so immediate, so raw. 

“How have you been doing?” 

Lucina sees it as a simple question that she had better answer absolutely perfectly. “I've been doing well,” she starts. “As well as can be expected, at least.”

Severa raises an eyebrow. “Okay, but, like, have you visited anyone? Tried anything? Done things other than, you know, exist?” 

_ Damn, _ Lucina bemoans internally.  _ She knows how to get to the core of me. _ “Uhm, I've been doing a lot of food preparation, as you've eaten tonight. I've also…” 

Lucina hits a brick wall. “Damn it,” she whispers. 

She can't come up with any further excuses to Severa, and she's not able to lie- or about to- so she instead lets the conversation fade away in a shallow attempt to end it for good. It’s almost like she doesn’t know that no barrier to ever exist will stop Severa when she’s focused on a subject.

Sure enough: “Damn it, Lucina! I thought you were going to try to enjoy your life. You know, want more for yourself.” 

“I have,” Lucina insists. “In fact, in some ways, I've succeeded. I just don't… I guess I don't feel the ability to participate as much as you would like me to, all right?” Not a reminder, a request.

Severa groans. “Lucina, this has to stop,” she pleads. Lucina's surprised at the desperate, genuinely upset tone she's taken on. “This is everything I  _ didn't _ want when I left you. I wanted you to enjoy life without you having this, like, martyr complex weighing you down.” 

Lucina drops her fork. “Martyr complex? Those are  _ heavy _ words!” Quite rich, too, coming from Severa. 

“That's what it is, right?” Not a request, a reminder. 

Lucina stares straight ahead. “I told you,” she says slowly, “before I left, that I would try because I would not have us make promises we couldn't keep. Please don't expect them of me.” It gets too quiet for Lucina's comfort, and she can already see Severa retreating, hurt and confused, so she adds “I'm doing alright, Severa. I swear I am.” 

Severa folds her hands. “If you say so,” she mutters gravely. She pushes her chair out and stands up. She doesn't meet Lucina's face, but Lucina can read genuine remorse and poorly hidden fear in the profile of her face. “Look, I'm gonna go clear my mind and get some fresh air, okay?”

Lucina stands up too. “Severa, did I-”

“You didn't,” she responds, voice losing tone and getting weaker. “Dinner was good. Thanks.” 

With that, she leaves the kitchen. As she opens and shuts the front door to the porch, Lucina's stomach is tied in knots. Nothing seems like Severa and how she acts. Lucina would expect Severa to get angry, and the two to fiercely combat each other and then apologize later. Instead, Severa quit, acting more concerned- mortified, even- at the idea of hurting Lucina’s feelings.

It’s the first time that Lucina realizes that Severa is different now.

Dazed and overwhelmed, Lucina pulls a serial out of the paper bag for her to distract herself with and goes to sit on the chair in her living room. To her surprise, Severa's open bag is in the seat. Lucina would have sworn that it would be in the bathroom, not wide open for her on her seat like a gift. 

Carefully, Lucina sets it on the ground and opens the novel in her hands as she sits down, but she keeps glancing at the bag. She's drawn in by a blue fabric that juts from the opening flap. Something’s wrapped around its corner as if it was meant to be there. The very idea of snooping feels like an invasion of privacy, but as she keeps rereading the first page of the book that she's already forgotten, the thought keeps running through her head that maybe it was intentional. 

_ How like Severa _ **_,_ ** she muses,  _ to hint at things she doesn’t want to share.  _

So she gives in and picks up the object at the end of the fabric, and as she sees it things start to make sense, yet make less at the same time. All she can do is stare back at the ring- silver in an unskilled line shaped like a branch with thorns, an ice-like jewel in the center- and feel the affection that teems through even now. 

\---

The two women sit at the kitchen table, looking at the stew Lucina has graciously spent the last hour making. Severa looks up at her every now and again, far more interested in her than the food she has in front of her. Lucina doesn’t hide emotion well, and her trying to put on a brave face for Severa both hurts her heart and annoys her. She would like to think that she doesn’t need to be coddled, but she probably does.

After a moment’s silence, she says “Severa, about Nohr…”

Severa looks up, wincing. “What?”

“I just wanted to say... be safe, okay?” 

Severa scoffs, taking a spoonful of stew. “We survived a few apocalypses, Lucina. I think I’ll be fine.” 

Lucina smirks. “I like that spirit,” she admits, “but still I caution you to worry.”

“Yeah, yeah, I hear you.”

“I’m serious,” she says, pouting. Lucina’s pouts are always funny with how overly wounded yet unmistakably childish they are. Severa should take them seriously, but she’s barely to the point where she doesn’t giggle inappropriately. “I just fear a stray arrow,” she continues, listing hypothetical obituaries on her fingers, “or a well-timed sword, or a harsh fall, or perhaps some poisoned food, or-”

“That’s way too much to be afraid of.”

“Maybe so,” Lucina says, “but I’m afraid that I can’t help it.” 

“I kinda wish you wouldn’t. You don’t deserve to sit back here and worry about me, okay?”

Lucina sits up, her chair creaking. “My mind will never entirely be at peace, Severa. As much as I will try, I will never stop worrying. You would worry about me were I in your shoes, right?”

“Of course I would!” she shouts. “But I would worry about a million other things too.”

“Oh… I see.” She’s hurt, and while she tries to maintain a stiff frown, her lip wobbles, and Severa is instantly sorry. “That makes sense. I must look foolish.”

“No, you don’t,” she insists. “Like, everything would be so different in this case, if it were me waiting for you, you know? Because, one, I’m me, and two, I have faith in you.”

Lucina looks at her, surprised and alert. “Faith?”

Severa nods in a way to impress how obvious it is without flat out saying “ _ duh! _ ”. She’s already told Lucina how she is the best fighter out of both armies she’s been in, how she’s cautious and graceful with everything she does, how she has the will and tenacity to push through any wall. She’s told Lucina so much that she never tells anyone, yet Lucina always seems genuinely surprised when Severa compliments her. 

So Severa just says “Yeah. A lot of faith,” before she takes another bite of the stew.

“And were you me, waiting on you?”

The question stops Severa cold as she runs into it, and she nearly chokes on the broth. Lucina’s eyes widen, but Severa forces herself to swallow before she can worry. Once she collects herself, she says “That’s not fair! I can’t be objective. I  _ live _ with me!”

Lucina smiles sickly. “I’d like an answer to that question.”

Severa glares at her. “Look, I can’t do that, okay? I’m not you. I’m just me. Honestly, I’m not sure why you would miss me at all.”

Lucina’s face darkens. “Because I- I  _ care  _ about you,” she mutters, emphasizing every syllable. “No matter what you think about yourself, no matter how seriously you regard your fate, that’s the truth of the matter- I care.” Her voice cracks as she adds “If something happened to you, it would…” She swallows, and fans tears out of her eyes. “Forgive me,” she breathes. 

“I’m sorry,” Severa says, head down, thinking that Lucina is still such an idiot for caring about her. That’s probably the one decision of hers that will never make sense to Severa, even in the context of Lucina. 

“No, forgive me,” Lucina says. “I know I can get a bit…” She searches for the right word. “Possessive, I hate to admit. I keep remembering the times you told me…” she swallows. “That an exalt always needs her knight. We’ve known each other for so, so long, and you’ve never wavered. That shows such tenacity that I've never seen in anyone else before. It almost makes me not worry about you.”

Severa gasps. “It… what? It does?”

Lucina smiles knowingly. “As close as I get, anyway!”

Severa’s face flushes. Though she tries not to cry, some quiet and sloppy tears break past the line, because as honored as she is, she’s so angry at herself that she needed this. Lucina awkwardly kicks Severa’s feet underneath the table, because she’s not very good with affection. In the loveless world that they grew up in, they never knew how to be affectionate. They never learned how to treat each other. They just know that they need each other. 

Eventually, Severa’s tears dry up, and she inhales deeply. “Sorry about that,” she says. “I just…” She doesn’t know what she  _ just, _ so she shrugs, sniffing loudly as she throws her hands on her lap with a loud  _ clap. _ Lucina simply smiles, and Severa is glad that she’s learned the boundaries of when Severa needs her to speak and when Severa needs her to just be there. “Thanks,” Severa whispers, resting her chin on the table as her emotional fog thins.

“Think nothing of it, Severa.” 

Severa smirks, but there’s affection in her eyes. “Sometimes I swear you forget who’s the princess and who’s the knight.”

“I mean, it’s different here,” Lucina reasons. “This is a different Ylisse, you know? Sometimes I forget that.”

“Really? It doesn’t feel different.”

“It feels very different to me. Lively, gentler, more welcoming. It’s a kind of Ylisse that I can see a future for.”

“You should take advantage of that, Lucina.”

Lucina looks up from her soup. “How so?”

Severa bows her head. “Like, when I’m gone to Nohr, you know…” She already had this talk with Noire. She even had it with Kjelle, though not nearly as involved. Lucina is the last person that Severa expected to advise on being independent and personable. “Don’t stay inside. Go to villages. Talk to people. Hell, see your family from time to time. You have that right. You’ve earned that right.”

Lucina frowns. “This isn’t my world. I’ve done my part.”

“Then enjoy it!” Her insistence is so ferocious that Lucina is shocked stiff and upright, submitting a dazed look into the wall nearest Severa. “Lucina, this world would have fallen apart without you. More than anyone else in this world, after all we’ve been through…” She stops, and in her mind questions if how deeply she cares about Lucina is normal. “You deserve to enjoy this world for everything that it’s worth. All of it.”

Tears spring to Lucina’s eyes, and she makes no effort to hide them. “Thank you,” she says, voice hoarse. “That… that means a lot to me. I just…” She sighs, which causes her to cry harder. “I’m a mess,” she admits. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Severa says.  _ So am I,  _ she means. 

Lucina swallows. “Regardless, I…” She tries not to sob and apologizes when she does, and at the moment she’s so vulnerable that it scares Severa, makes her regret preparing to leave to Nohr, makes her feel like Lucina deserves to have her stay by her side for as long as her princess needs her. Lucina shakes a little, then violently at once, as if she will relieve her sadness by force.

“I’m sorry,” Severa whispers, both of them tearful disasters. “Gods, I’m sorry.”

Lucina shakes her head. “Don’t be, Severa. Don’t regret anything. I’ll get by. I promise.”

“Okay, just… don’t hurt yourself for me. You know, live your best life while I’m gone.”

“I’ll try.”

“Sorry, but trying isn’t gonna be good enough.”

“I understand that, but if I am going to be completely honest with you, it’s all that I can offer.” After her words, Lucina leaves the table and stands stiff, upright, something chilling her- or them both- even though the door’s closed off from the wind. 

“You’re… you’re really set in this, aren’t you?”

Lucina closes her eyes and nods reluctantly. “It may take a lifetime for me to be used to this world,” she admits. “I’m no longer the princess of this Ylisse. I’m Lucina. To be honest, after all this time…” She sighs. “I am quite happy to just be Lucina. However, if I am no longer the princess, then you’re under no obligation to be my knight.”

“So you’re saying…” 

“I would say you have my blessing to go to Nohr but,” with a rare chuckle, Lucina adds “That would be presumptuous to offer.” Severa laughs as well, but she won’t act like she doesn’t need it. Lucina’s face darkens as she adds “Just… accept that I am going to worry, and I am going to miss you.”

“I’ll be back,” Severa says too quickly. “I-”

“I know,” Lucina interrupts before Severa can promise anything, though she sounds uncertain. “Just know that… I care about you.”

Severa smiles. She knew that already. 

She stands up, leaving the stew to cool over. Lucina manages to read her and walks next to her. Out of mutual understanding, they hug each other, and Severa is reminded again of how tall Lucina is. It’s so fitting, because Lucina, even though at heart an earnest, confused young woman, is so grand, so big, and so much to Severa. Severa rests her head in the crook of Lucina’s neck where she can reach, and Lucina sighs peacefully while resting her palms in the small of Severa’s back. Though Severa isn’t sure how she feels the love for her princess- always her princess, no matter what Lucina says- she knows that it teems through her even now.


	3. Jagged Ring/Filthy Crown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which mod does not have a clue about the summoning of the ylisseans and goes off of her one playthrough knowledge of felicia have fun y'all

Lucina waits about ten minutes to leave the house even as she wants to run out after Severa as soon as she comprehends the ring. She doesn't need to go far, as Severa is sitting on her front porch on one of the chairs, staring at the same valley that was there when she last sat there days before she left to Nohr.

Things look different from the last time she was here- many of the trees are gone, and there are settlements in the distance only visible by the smoke from their chimneys. Time has changed things, even though Lucina was not one of them. Even now, she only sees the same valley, no matter if Severa can only see the differences.

Lucina takes the chair next to her, bearing two cups of tea that she sits next to them both. Severa looks up in a cold panic, but Lucina holds a hand up. “Peace, Severa.” 

Severa swallows and turns away. She was always bad at looking unaffected. “Okay,” she says. “My bad.” 

A few minutes go by, with both sipping at the tea and not looking at each other, guilt and stubbornness preventing the conversation from proceeding further until Severa shatters it, as she's known to do. 

“Aren't you gonna ask me about it?”

Lucina inhales sharply. Severa has no time for the denial that Lucina would stutter out. In a way, she respects how Severa stops her from pretending to be better than she is. She pulls the ring from her pocket. “I hope I took good care of it, at least.”

Severa accepts it, running a thumb along it. “It looks fine. Not like Felicia was a master smith.” 

Lucina had gathered that it was from this mystery maid just based on context clues. Even though she’s not the best at reading them, Severa helps her by being very obvious. It’s silent as she looks at Lucina now and again, egging her on to start a fire with her words. Still, Lucina is far more comfortable with soft progression rather than an interrogation.

“Is this the only one?” 

Severa snorts, staring straight ahead. “She was buried with the other.” 

“Oh.” 

Then, a sharp gasp that hurts Lucina’s throat. “Oh no, Severa.”

She moves her tea and places her hand on the table. Severa doesn't take it, both hands cupping the ring with forlorn intimacy. “It was a stupid thing,” she explains, because she thinks the most important thing is justification. “Like, our emotions were high. Probably our libido, too.” Lucina can't help but giggle, earning a weak smile from Severa. 

“We got engaged like a year or so into knowing each other because, like, she was intense, I'm intense, and... gods damn, we just needed something to go right.” She sighs. “I'm not sure how in love with each other we were,” but Lucina already can tell just by how Severa speaks that the answer is  _ a lot. _

“I think we got engaged, like… a week after her sister…” For the first time in that conversation, Severa sniffles. “Her sister… died too, and I missed it all, but… she died because it was either Nohr or her home. I just knew how devastated Felicia was.” The first little sob spills from her. “I shouldn't have accepted her proposal right then, but she was just talking about things that matter in her life, and,” with a pitiful choke “I just wanted her to be happy, you know?”

Seeing as Lucina would give Severa the moon and the stars to stay the grief that strangles her, she nods her sincerest understanding.

“Then she recruited herself into the resistance with… she was against Nohr. Because of her sister. And I was with Nohr, but mostly out of obligation. She and I didn’t see each other much after that but she wrote me these love letters and, like, talked about getting us out and doing her part to make it end sooner. I wasn’t nearly as… like, verbose, I guess, but I told her everything I could think of to make things better. You know, I’d bring her here, I’d treat her well, we would just live in a place like this and be happy forever…” She sighs. “I think I know why you love it here so much. It’s because stuff like war feels a world away.”

Lucina closes her eyes because what it took Severa to understand her was a tragedy that Lucina feels so small in the wake of, and it wasn’t worth the cost. Tragedy has been too formative to them both.

Severa swallows. “It just… I should have seen her death coming. You know, it’s war. I should have known that it wasn't meant to last, but… I miss her. So much. I feel so, so sorry for everything, like… I found out things after she died that… I don’t even think she knew. About…” She shakes. “Her being kidnapped as a kid, everyone lying about why she was there, about how she was the chief’s kid of that tribe that Flora…” Severa balls her fists, cupping the jagged ring. “ _ That we weren’t fighting anymore _ ,” she breathes in a voice staving off sobs. “She deserved so much more. And she’d have gotten it if she wasn’t fighting for me.”

She takes a few shallow breaths like she’s about to sneeze, but Lucina recognizes it as the sound she makes when she’s trying to hard not to cry, but is about to fail. “Severa, it’s not your fault…”

Severa breaks and starts crying into her free arm. “I didn’t stop her, or talk her down, because I didn’t want to hurt her like I hurt everyone, but I've never felt like a bigger failure in my life and I just, I just, I don't want that to happen to you, Lucy, and I'm... so  _ scared _ …” 

She doesn't finish, giving in to panicked sobs. Lucina can't help but walk to the seat next to her and hug her from the side, messy hair splayed over both their faces. Lucina rests her chin on her shoulder and hands on her chest while Severa can only sob and apologize, weeping with more anguish than Lucina has ever heard from anyone, even in the massacre they came from. 

Severa doesn’t deserve to feel this; Lucina is the sorry one for the simple fact that she is, that she has another scar on her heart that she thinks makes her ugly, and not beautiful in a way that Lucina cannot convince herself isn’t the case. (Besides, if she could, that would mean her own scars are ugly too, and she can’t let herself believe that.) 

She can’t tell if she is grateful to Felicia for the good memories or resents her for the painful ones, but she can’t bring herself to condemn the woman that Severa definitely loved, can’t bring herself to paint a thing like war in black and white colors. Any negativity towards her she feels is unfair, just like the threads of resentment she feels towards Inigo and Owain, but she can’t figure out how to let it go. Instead she just stays on Severa’s shoulder as her cries start to fade away, holding her tightly, breathing as rhythmically as the vegetables she sliced, over and over until her breaths are the most prominent sound. 

“Sorry,” Severa whispers, voice hoarse.

“It’s okay,” Lucina responds. “You don’t need to be sorry.”

“I just didn’t wanna last for five hours and then start unloading all my grief onto you.”

Lucina smiles into her shoulder. “All the more time for me to help you carry.”

Severa bristles. “That’s… why do you do that for me, Lucina?”

Lucina is  _ this _ close to saying  _ because I love you, Severa, _ but she can’t do that now. Even she knows how bad of an idea it is to profess her affections just after Severa cried about the fiance Lucina never knew she had. Still, she can’t think of an answer, and can’t lie, so she just keeps her arms around Severa. 

“Can you let me go?” she asks. “I gotta get my bearings.”

Lucina frowns, but does so, hair brushing across Severa’s face. She spits a hair out dramatically and says “I should have left you with your crown! Phtoo!” 

Lucina giggles. “My apologies!” Pulling her locks behind her, she says “I tend to forget to wrangle it in when needed.”

Severa chuckles. “Yeah, yeah, just…” Her tone gets serious even as her throat is raw of emotion. “Lucy, you… I know I can’t make you do anything, but… I really want you to take care of yourself. I… I want you to be okay. Or as close as you think you’ll get.” She closes her eyes, out of tears but still shaking. “It would mean the world to me.”

Lucina closes her eyes at the prospect. The idea of doing so is daunting. How it is more daunting than anything else she’s done in her life mystifies her. Maybe because she had to do what she did for the world, and that is a lot more innate and, in her mind, matters more than taking care of herself.

“Thank you,” is all she says. 

Severa seems dissatisfied, but not to the point of incapacitation. She stands up and takes her teacup. “It’s getting chilly out. Let’s go inside.”

Lucina walks around and reaches for her teacup. “After you.”

Severa nods, face tearstained over a shaky smile, and Lucina sees the sun after the storm. There are so many words she has to say, so much she has to learn, and her return will likely be as daunting and complicated as Severa usually is, especially for someone so drawn to blank nothingness like Lucina usually is, but right now, all that matters is that the woman that she loves is home.

\---

Severa recognizes the field they are in. She recognizes it from the future past and the past present. It’s the field where her mother spent so much time training with her pegasus. It’s where she stood next to her during pegasus knight ceremonies amongst a crowd of adults that reached far above her, surrounded her like trees in a forest. It’s where she waited over and over for the royals to take her from her mother and to the castle to stay for a while. It was a task that hurt Severa so much that she kept crying and throwing tantrums whenever her mother left, until she huffed through it, until she had no reaction at all but cold, cruel indifference, until her mother died and she never saw those fields again until now.

The training grounds are an odd place for the Nohrian summoner to request for Severa to meet him at, but she didn’t question it. She’s here with Lucina- about a decade and a half later yet a few years before the last time she saw it- and now Lucina is the one that Severa will leave behind. much like her mother left her behind all those times. She can only hope Lucina resents her less than Severa resents Cordelia.

Lucina was always a better person than Severa could hope to be but, uncharacteristically, she doesn’t resent that.

She may say that she’s a knight, but only a knight to her princess. To everyone else she’s a mercenary, a sword for hire, and she’s accepted that even if she isn’t quite happy with it. She just knows that with all that she looks behind her shoulder when the world stops, with all of the anger and bluster that keeps her moving even when her drive dies, with how much easier fighting and killing comes to her than living a normal life, this is the best way to keep herself in times where she would gladly lose herself for good. 

Lucina stands over her shoulder in full lordly regalia, down to Falchion in her holster. Severa feels woefully underdressed in her tried and true mercenary outfit, but her concern melts away with how Lucina’s gloved hand always manages to find the one place in her shoulder that’s bare of fabric. Severa’s got a bag of belongings weighing down her hand, and her sword stays in a hitch on her back. If the recruiter finds anything odd about two women dressed like death with weapons always at the ready, Severa will give him the earful he deserves like she rehearsed it.

“This is where he would meet you?” Lucina fills the dead air with meaningless talk that both women know the answer to. 

“Yeah,” Severa responds. “Thanks for coming with me. I know the castle grounds are a long way from home for you.”

“It’s no trouble.”

“Still, thanks.” 

To be honest, Severa is kind of selfishly happy knowing this means that Lucina will probably have to interact with the family that she so rarely does. As if she wasn’t selfishly happy that Lucina was the one to see her off at all.

The two women fall silent again, but Severa sees a speck in the horizon heading towards them. They’re below one of the hills at the edge of the grounds, and their pace fastens into a brisk jog. They’re far away and leave Severa and Lucina a couple of minutes, but none more than that. 

The women note this with a sigh that acknowledges the end of something, and Severa realizes-, for perhaps the first time- that she hasn’t been apart from Lucina for as long as she is going to be since the only parent she knew passed away. Severa can’t forget how Lucina escorted her to her room in the castle and sat with her as she cried, not quite understanding but surprisingly empathetic- much as she is as a woman. Lucina never cried like she did when either parent died, like there was no more hope, and Severa isn’t sure whether that’s inspiring, obnoxious, or also very much like her as a woman.

“I want you to take this.”

Severa blinks. She blinks again. She reacts too slowly to Lucina reaching atop her head while looking at her. “Don’t argue over this,” she insists. “We don’t have time.”

“Don’t argue what?”

In response, Lucina takes the tiara off of her head and hands it to Severa. Severa doesn’t take it at first, instead gawking at the fact that it’s in her princess’ hand, and not on her head. Lucina gestures to her and says “take it!” with a big dopey smile. Instinctively, Severa obeys, but she can’t believe it. It feels like what she would expect an illusion of Lucina to do, but she is far too real, grinning with excitement and pride in her going-away gift. 

“Lucina,” she breathes, looking down at the crown. It’s like what smiths who never saw beautiful things would imagine tiaras looked like, made of just enough gold that they could reasonably spare in their apocalyptic times. It’s the sign of how readily this woman took the filthy throne, the crown of the last exalt on her head, and let the world know that she was ready and willing to rule the desolate loveless wilderness of future past Ylisse that, by some miracle, they survived. 

Now it’s in Severa’s hand. “Th-this?”

She nods. “I told you this already- I’m not the princess of this Ylisse, Severa.” As earnest and kind as she’s ever been, she says “This is a different world; one I will live in, but one I don’t rule over.” She gently encloses Severa’s fingers around the tiara. 

“I couldn’t possibly take this!” Severa shouts, more fearful than she’s ever been since before they all faced Grima. “Like, what if I lose this, or something happens to it, or- or- or-”

“It’s all right,” Lucina insists, and Severa’s heart settles. “I’m going to be fine. Take it.”

Reluctantly, Severa takes it in her hands, still trembling. She should put it in her bag, possibly tuck it in the cape that Cynthia gave her next to the feather in Noire’s headband and the arrowhead Kjelle forged for her. They’re things her few friends gave her when she announced that she was definitely going, and no matter how small or goofy they are, she loves them… but she already treasures this. She’s already planning on returning this to Lucina and she hasn’t even left yet. 

As if compelled to, Severa hugs her princess so suddenly that she almost drops the tiara. Lucina giggles, but does the same, pulling her in as closely and as tightly as she can. She coos into Severa’s neck again, even though Severa can feel tears stain the back of her shirt and seep into her skin. Severa holds her so passionately that it almost blocks out the acute feeling of regret for many things, not one of which she can define. 

“I’ll take care of it,” she promises. “I’ll take care of it.”

“I know,” Lucina whispers into her skin, choking back tears. Severa almost gives into tears herself, but this isn’t a situation she can demand sympathy and sorrow for. She’s the one who took up Nohr’s offer. She’s the one hurting Lucina, and whenever she does so, she feels guilty. It’s one of the few times she doesn’t feel self-pity, replacing it with shame. 

She doesn’t apologize, but she means it. 

Lucina is the one to let her go. Following her eyes, Severa can see the recruiter finally summit the hill, and turns to face whoever it is. The recruiter- middleman between you and the summoner- is a principled man with perfect posture, a silver ponytail, and cool gray eyes. He’s wearing a dark brown quilt-like sweatshirt with gold studs in every patch, and a loose set of slacks down to dressy black shoes. He truly does not look like a person from any culture Severa grew up in. 

“Ah, milady,” he says with a distinguished accent. “I’m told you’re a warrior with Ylisse here to fight with Nohr, is that correct?” 

Severa nods, absently letting Lucina go. “You’re looking at her. You here to pick me up?” 

The man nods with a distant smile. “I’ll be transporting you to your comrades also heading to Nohr, as well as those more directly responsible for your journey to Nohr. I know that I am but a stranger. Still, I hope that you can trust me going forward.”

Severa rolls her eyes. “Duh! It’s not like I have a  _ choice! _ What a stupid question!” Behind her, she can hear Lucina giggle to herself, but when Severa turns to look at her, she clears her throat and tries to hide her smile. Severa rolls her eyes with a smile and turns back to the recruiter. “Whatever. Are we gonna go or not?”

If the recruiter is annoyed, he manages to hide it. “Certainly. Do you need a moment to say goodbye to your companion?” 

Severa’s stunned. How dare he not recognize the princess of Ylisse future and the savior of this world- even if they barely knew enough about it to think Severa was its suitable hero. “She has a name, you kn-”

“Severa,” Lucina warns with a raised eyebrow and honored grin. “It’s all right.”

Severa looks back at Lucina, tiara still in hand. Lucina blushes and holds her hand out. Severa takes it with her free hand, and Lucina pulls her into one last quick hug. “Stay safe,” she insists, and Severa briefly thinks that she could stay there forever, even as Lucina lets her go. 

She can’t come up with any words to bid Lucina farewell with, so she simply waves, dazed smile on her face. Lucina waves back, hair an untamed mess without her tiara, an unfinished painting of the night sky, and that’s the image that Severa is left with as she reluctantly turns around, smile dissipating. As she walks away behind the obnoxiously perfect recruiter, trying to mentally prepare herself to leave to Nohr, trying to remind herself that this is what she wants and what’s good for her, she can’t help being consumed by the desire to have stayed in Lucina’s arms. 

She hasn't left Ylisse but already wants to see her princess again.

 


	4. Scars/Raindrops

She blinks.

Blinks again.

She still has trouble believing that she’s back.

She’s been on the porch since the sun rose with Lucina’s crown in her lap. She’s used to getting up early, but not at all used to getting up early without a purpose, though  _ purpose _ has eluded her in the past few months. It’s why she left after the war in Nohr- what was she fighting for? 

After Felicia died, no one. 

Not Nohr, not Hoshido, not the royal families (even Camilla), not Odin, not Laslow, and certainly not herself. She can't convince herself that it wasn’t a giant waste of time, one that distracted her from looking for a true purpose. All she has to show for it are a dirty sword, a pile of letters, and a poorly crafted ring that still hurts her to look at.

_ Guess only a fool looks ahead for paths that aren’t there, _ she concludes.

In the background, she hears a sudden  _ thump _ . She swivels her head around to look for an intruder but realizes after a few more calm and distant thwaps that it’s coming from inside the house. She assumes that it’s probably Lucina hurrying to throw something together with the same dorky enthusiasm that Severa knows of her. The familiarity is comforting. 

Severa sets the tiara in between her calves and awaits her audience with the exalt.

The door opens, and her princess meets her on the porch, carefully sitting next to her and handing her a cup of tea. The steam blows up strands of her hair, but thankfully Lucina is wearing a headband to avoid making a mess. Severa sees her wearing a set of gray nightclothes that covers her from head to toe, wrinkled from recent sleep. “Someone just couldn’t wait to see me, huh?” she says with a knowing smile. 

Lucina blushes. “I’m glad to see that you’re well rested.”

Severa breathes on the tea to cool it down. “Thanks, Lucy,” she says with a smile. 

“Think nothing of it, Sev,” Lucina responds. 

The pace of Severa’s heart hastens for a short second, so much that she almost misses it but definitely doesn’t. “Sev,” she repeats. “Forgot that you used to call me that.”

“It has been a while,” Lucina muses apologetically. 

Severa takes a sip. “I like it.” Lucina beams and Severa adds “Those little… personal touches, you know. It makes me feel…” She shrugs her shoulders. “Like, it reminds me how tight we are.”

Lucina blushes. “Right… I didn’t know those meant so much, to be honest.”

(Severa could make a game out of getting the reaction she wants out of Lucina. She’s certainly winning this morning.) 

After a shallow breath, she says “They do. I mean…” Thoughts- none dynamic or fleshed, just a wall of something bigger- stop her from speaking further, so she shrugs again.

“Go on,” Lucina encourages with an unnervingly genuine smile.

Severa closes her eyes. “But... I’m not sure where I’m going with this. Cause I think about you all the time, and I thought about you a lot in Nohr. I don’t really know… what it’s all about, to be honest. Just… I don’t want…” She doesn’t continue, only sighing, placing a hand on Lucina’s knee. Lucina, the only thing in her wind-scarred impermanent world that refuses to fall away with everything else. 

“You don’t want what?” 

“I lost someone I loved and cared about,” she mumbles, blushing at her tea. “So I’m gonna be worried about you.” Before she can draw attention to the obvious truth that she loves Lucina too, she adds “Just because I think I can get that need you have for peace and quiet… that can’t be it. It’s like we’re hiding from all the misery like we think it can’t happen again, and…” 

She sniffles but doesn’t have tears left. “Just… I’d worry a lot less about stupid things if I could help you do more.”

That’s all she has to say, but Lucina can rest assured that it took everything out of her. She can’t admit it yet. She can’t admit to Lucina that she can’t let someone else she loves fade away and die out; certainly not before she can admit to herself that she didn’t do that to Felicia. The idea that she drove the woman she loved to work herself to death for her is so unjust, so  _ inescapable _ . She can only hope that she’s done enough for Lucina to believe that Severa simply cares about her, even when they both know that nothing is simple.

Eventually, Lucina says “I… would be honored if you did,” but it doesn’t quite feel enough until she confesses, “I think I need that.” 

Severa nods with a smile because it’s okay to be flawed. “Every exalt needs her knight, you know?” 

Lucina bristles so hard that Severa jerks her head up, wondering what she said wrong. “I don't want you to be my knight,” she says. “That's not how I want you.” 

It’s silent, and neither of them move. A rush falls over Severa as she realizes that the conversation has jumped off an edge, and nothing will be the same when they land _. _ The fall should be too much for her to take right now, but they’re both experienced at falling. Besides, all of the soft static of life around her has driven her nuts since the day that Felicia left her in a mess of scars and confusion.

She needs to live again, damn it.

“Then…” She tilts her head towards Lucina and asks “how would you want me?” 

Lucina bows her head, hit by Severa’s pure curiosity (she isn’t subtle). A few scattered raindrops fall from the sky and dampen their clothes occasionally, but it feels nice. “I want you… to be a person here with me because you want to, not because you feel obligated to. I want you to be here… as the person that is the most important one in my life.” Severa can’t take her eyes off of Lucina as she finishes with “As the woman that I love.” 

_ There it is. _

Everything starts to make sense. 

Severa ducks and runs a hand through her hair, not sure how to answer outside of a few  _ uhhh _ s and  _ whaaaa _ s that may be the aftereffects of her brain breaking. Lucina jolts, shocked by the weight of her words, like something slipped out before it was supposed to. “I mean- I didn’t mean to let that- I wasn’t trying to…” Lucina stops stumbling over her words and groans at the rain-torn sky like it’s to blame.

“Trying to what?” Severa asks, a wry smirk adorning her face. Before Lucina can speak, probably to trip over herself trying to climb up the cliff they fell off of, she adds “Okay, just so you know, what you say here, it’s gonna be very important.” 

She folds her arms to look stern, but can’t imagine she succeeded. This is everything she hoped for, denied, feared, and wanted all at once. Severa could never see a world where Lucina was actually attracted to her, a world where she was more than her princess’ emotional mess with a sword and dependency issues.

Even if that world exists, she’s not sure what to make of it. She just needs to know that it’s real. 

Lucina clears her throat, because of  _ course  _ she does. “This has… afflicted me for a while, I’ll admit. My affections for you have been more serious for…” She waves a hand. “Let’s just say ‘some time’ and leave it that.”

“Hmm.” Just enough time for Severa to not even remotely notice, likely because she's an idiot.

Severa can tell her noncommittal answer has sent Lucina into a cool panic, but she’s not being a tease; she’s confounded. Hastened, Lucina continues. “I’d assumed that it would be easy to hold onto them, but I erred in that. I’d hoped not to try to add that pressure to your life, especially…”

Severa knows why Lucina stopped. “Because of Felicia?”

Lucina nods, eyes closed, ashamed.  “I just want you to know that no matter what you say, that won’t change that I deeply care about you. I’m sorry that I was this selfish… but everything positive I have said about you, I do mean. I do want you to be my special one, at some point. You mean the world to me, but ultimately I want you to be happy...” Her words fall away.

Severa feels so much pity for her, finally having the courage to admit her affections only to meet Severa’s latest ghost, but Severa can’t exactly apologize for that- nor should she. Scars on their hearts don’t go away. They don’t get any prettier. They just fade. 

All they can do is try to live with them.

Instead, she looks at Lucina with the affection she’s earned by being  _ her _ . “Your  _ special one _ ?” she teases with a giggle.

“Did I come on too strong?” Lucina blurts. 

Severa laughs at the absurdity of her fears. “Not strong enough, probably. Just…” she groans at the sky, rain hitting her nose. “Gods, I keep thinking of basically all the signs you dropped over the years and- okay, you're so obvious in everything, so I'm honestly  _ mortified _ that I missed it.”

“Obvious? Am I now?” Lucina feigns offense like she doesn’t damn well know that she is.

“Totally,” Severa retorts. “And ‘special one’ is such a formal, well-wishing,  _ Lucina _ way of putting things. I swear you’re like the books your mom reads.”

Lucina narrows her eyes with an alluring smirk. “Ah! So you’ve read them as well.”

_ Oh, gods damn it.  _ “I never said I didn’t!” Severa bites back, cackling. “I’m not  _ proud  _ of it, but I did!” 

Lucina giggles. “Still, I can assure you, the words I chose were of my own volition.”

“Oh, I know, Lucina. I…” Severa sighs. That’s it. It’s real. She can tell, even if it’ll take years for her to tell  _ why _ . Maybe Lucina has a thing for bitter catty redheads with battle trauma. Now Severa has to make the next move- whatever “next move” Severa would make.

“All of what you said was very sincere,” she admits. “Probably foolishly so. Especially the part about Felicia. That sounds so much like you. The part about you that really frustrates me.”

Lucina bows her head, face flushed with shame. “The… martyr complex, right?”

Severa throws her hands up, tea sloshing from her cup a little too close to Lucina’s leg. “Okay, that was bitchier wording than I should have used, but… you know how I keep saying you should be happy? I mean it. I sincerely mean it. That's why I push you so much, because…” Damn this woman and how she provokes Severa to be more honest. “Lucy, you should treat yourself better.” 

Lucina nods, still uncertain. Her head settles into her lap, staring straight ahead. “Again, though, I must ask… will you do the same for yourself?” 

Severa doesn't immediately answer. Had you asked her before she left she never would have. That was before she met Felicia. Felicia was sweet as pie, clumsy as hell, and meant every word she said, even the ones she didn’t mean to say. She had as many self-esteem issues as Severa, though more innate than the ones Severa can trace the growing infection of. Still, she was… so beautiful, so kind, and gave Severa a glimmer of hope that maybe, through her issues, she could be too.

Severa’s memorized the letters that her fiancée sent her, and even if she didn’t they’re all still in her bag, because it’s not like she’ll ever be over her all the way. She may as well keep with her all of the times that Felicia wrote that she would make sure that Severa was happy. Severa has never been able to do that on her own, but they both knew the unspoken truth.

The unspoken truth, she speaks to Lucina, her dreamy doe eyes and awkward, genuine smile. “Yeah. I… I think I deserve it. Being happy.”

Lucina still doesn’t remove her head from her lap, but her eyes break open in shock. Maybe Severa did change for the better. Maybe she made a breakthrough. Maybe it wasn’t all a waste of time. 

Severa strokes Lucina’s hair in a way that beckons her up.  Lucina meets her eyes with a smile. “You do deserve it,” she breathes. “I pray that you don’t forget it.”

Severa clicks her tongue. “You’ve been good to an emotional mess like me,” she says. “Stupidly so.” Lucina shakes her head with a smirk, but Severa's used to Lucina compulsively denying that Severa deserves less. “If I’ve ever not told you how much I appreciate it, then that’s my mistake. This…” 

She sighs. The idea of love scares her- the type of involved, entangled, heightened, terrifying, consequential love that she wants to give Lucina. To love her is one thing. To give her that love is another- very frightening- thing. “Lucy... I think I need some time to, like, fully appreciate it. I’m… gonna be hurt for awhile, but I promise, I won’t let it pass me by.”

“I understand,” Lucina responds simply. If she’s disappointed, she doesn’t show it. She’d expect that from anyone, but again Lucina leaves her lacking. What a crazy, foolish, amazing woman.

“Thank you,” Severa responds. “I really appreciate that, because… for the longest time… it was you. It was always you. Just because I was dense as  _ shit _ ,” she emphasizes, drawing more laughter from Lucina “doesn’t mean that it isn’t still you.”

Lucina’s eyes widen as they look into Severa’s. “Honestly?” she asks, grinning like a fool.

Severa doesn’t hesitate. “Absolutely. You deserve someone to be here for you, because you’ve been here for me.”

“Nothing would honor me more,” Lucina admits, taking her free hand.

Severa relinquishes it. “Good thing there’s nothing I want more either.” She’s being a little repetitive by now, but sometimes Lucina needs it drilled in her head that she deserves good things.

Lucina smiles like a mushy adorable sap who definitely takes after her mother. “I just hope it’ll be worth it. I worry that I’ll falter at times, that I may cause you pain. I still have a lot to learn.”

“Wh- are you actually telling  _ me  _ that you’re afraid you won’t be perfect?” Severa keeps her voice down so Lucina doesn't flinch and apologize, but her face betrays how intensely she means things. “We’ve been learning how to be people for twenty-five years. The day we stop learning is the day we die.” 

So Lucina knows that she’s still Severa, and not about to stop being Severa, she adds “So don't expect me to stop giving you hell, because you probably need my help as much as I need yours.” 

“Of course,” Lucina responds plainly. “We're equals.”

Severa shrugs, trying to pretend that she isn’t taking things seriously. “I think I can make myself believe that.” Overtaken by the emotion she’s trying to downplay, Severa leans into Lucina’s side. Reflexively, Lucina holds her, making Severa realize how long and through how much they've kept each other afloat, kept each other from sinking, and how, in that way, this was inevitable. The exalt and her…

Wait. Wait a second.

Just as Lucina’s fingers wander down to Severa’s knees, Severa reaches in between her legs and pulls out the crown, which has comfortably rested against the wooden steps. “Uhm, I hope I didn’t, like, mess it up!” she says, dusting its sides off hastily as Lucina follows along with her eyes. As Severa hands it back after so long and says “Thanks for it, babe,” Lucina’s eyes widen with recognition.

“Is that…”

“Like you don’t know. It’s your crown!” Severa puts a hand up before Lucina objects. “Like, I’m not saying that you have to wear it-” she gestures at Lucina’s hair. “Though, thank the Gods you’re wearing a headband.” Lucina laughs abruptly but still looks humbled, as though Severa regifting Lucina’s gift back to her is a true privilege. It doesn’t scratch the surface of what she deserves. 

“What should I do with it?” Lucina asks.

Severa wants to slap her forehead. “Lucy, it’s your crown. Even if this isn’t your Ylisse, this is  _ your  _ crown. Just… put it on display or something. To remind of you of how amazing it is.” Severa closes her eyes. “You know… who you are and what you’ve done.”

After too long of her staring at it and working through thoughts Severa is not yet privy to, Lucina sets her teacup on the ground and takes the crown in her hand, where it stays. “What  _ we’ve _ done,” she corrects, her other hand not letting go of Severa.

Severa coos, reckoning that if Lucina reminds her enough, she may start to believe it. She may believe that she can make it all worthwhile. That she will be something worthwhile. That she’s a worthwhile person. That she’ll never waste a second of her life again.

She takes another sip of tea and wraps her free arm around Lucina. It’s all very much to her liking. 

“Thanks, Lucy,” she sighs.

_ For everything,  _ she means.


End file.
